José Palacios Ng

"Growing up in Panama, I was expected to look: MACHO" (a term that usually refers to masculine, virile, and harsh behaving men).

I was constantly told to not wear makeup because “men don’t wear makeup”, to build my body because I was too “skinny”, and to keep my hair short because “only women have long hair”. I was told all these comments because, being a man in Latin America, means no room for femininity.

This “MACHO” culture is so normalized back home, even educational institutions regulate our physical appearances with “appropriate” clothing, that only contribute to the reduction of human expression according to the binary gender norms.

For instance, I could not wear skirts, earrings, rings, necklaces, bracelets, headbands. I had to keep my hair with a buzz cut, wear long and baggy pants. And overall, present myself with gestures and mannerism that corresponded to my gender assigned at birth.

"I did not fit in with the standards and I was scared of showing it off."

For that reason, now that I can finally accept the way I express myself, I want to take the chance to show that there’s nothing wrong with going against the norms.

• Since when does a piece of fabric define my gender/sexuality?

• Since when am I less of a man for liking feminine clothing/accessories?

• Since when should I settle for standards that go against my own persona?

I realized how harmful beauty standards were, because I often found myself not meeting the expectations they placed on me. I tried so hard to become the person society wanted me to be. But it was never enough. As much as I tried to hide it and as much as I tried to “be a man”, that simply was not me.

"It was a long journey to detach from that way of thinking and to finally let my true colors out. But I can say it was all worth it, because even when there is still a pressure on me to stick to the standards, I learned to prioritize myself and my happiness."